something you often hear when people find out you breastfeed your baby is, "oooh, isn't it wonderful? it's so convenient!" i have now exclusively breastfed parker without supplementing for six months & one word i would not choose to describe my breastfeeding experience is "convenient."
i am very grateful that i've been able to nurse parker for this long. i know i'm lucky to have been able to provide enough milk to fill those chubby cheeks & grow those pinch-able arm & leg rolls. it's pretty cool to see my body produce something that my baby can live off of all on its own, but it has not been easy. it's been a battle. a sometimes sleepless, sometimes painful, sometimes time consuming, & sometimes inconvenient battle. there's nothing convenient about pulling your shirt up & fighting an awkward cover in a restaurant booth to quiet your crying child while simultaneously trying not to flash onlookers {trust me, there's always onlookers}. there's nothing convenient about having to stop & nurse for twenty minutes when you are trying to dash out the door to get somewhere on time. there's nothing convenient about being the only person who gets up with the baby in the middle of the night when he's hungry because, well, your husband just doesn't have the required equipment to take care of it.
and, when parker was about two months old, we got thrush. oh. my. gawsh. the pain. we dealt with that for two weeks & i nursed through blood, sweat, & tears. literally. that was not convenient.
and while going through all that, sam often asked me why i didn't just wean & start parker on formula. to be honest, i really don't know. i just always figured i would breastfeed, & so i did. seriously. i'm not someone who will side-eye a person when i hear your baby is formula fed... i really couldn't care less. i hate that there is so much hostility between breast feeders & formula feeders & that you often hear arguments by one that it is better than the other. everyone chooses what they do based on their own & their baby's best interests, their abilities, & their personal situations. seriously none of my business.
for me, breast was best and i'm glad. i'm glad that i was able to set a goal & achieve it. i wasn't one of those people who just breezed through six months of nursing while loving every minute of it. it was freaking hard.
but now that we've reached six months, the minimum amount of time i had hoped to exclusively nurse for, i am wondering... are we done? after six months of hard, grueling nursing, and spending lots & lots of time thinking about how nice it would be to be able to just shake up a bottle & let p-ray go to town on his own while i continued to go about my day, i'm wondering... can i quit now? and to be honest, i don't think i can.
for those fifteen minutes, five times a day... it's just parker & mom. it's our time. it's the time i hold my little boy in my arms, away from anyone else (usually), & we bond. it's really amazing. he still wraps his little hand around my thumb while he nurses & i still hold his little head in my hand. i seriously get teary eyed just thinking about losing that time with him.
so yeah, the day will come when we'll wean. someday i will totally & completely get my body back to myself one-hundred percent. there will be a time when i won't have to lock myself in the nursing mothers room at work to pump two times a day for twenty minutes, or when i won't have to fight parker to keep a cover over us for decency's sake while nursing in public. my life will become a little more convenient. but i now realize that this inconvenience has been totally & completely worth it. that it's just another one of those worthwhile sacrifices you make as a parent for the sake of your kid.
so, here's to a few more months of being pleasantly inconvenienced.
guess what is totally not inconvenient? voting for us. two clicks & you're done. wasn't that easy?
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